Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
