You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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