Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
