Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
