He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
