I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
