Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sobbing to NWA
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
