it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
