I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
