Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
