could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
