All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
