Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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