your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
