also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
