She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
