just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
