Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
