She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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