I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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