I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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