I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
