Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
