Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
