you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
