i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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