Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
