Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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