Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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