Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
