You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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