my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
