She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
