I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
