In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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