I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
