As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
