I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize