Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
