i don't like sucking hair
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
