There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize