ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
