why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
