That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
