Just fell off a train. Bad.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
