New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
