You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
