some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
