I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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