I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
