Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
