omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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