I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
