When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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