Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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