Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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