If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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