I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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