It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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