Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
