he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
