I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
