Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
