Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Randomize
