glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
