He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
