Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.