Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.