i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.