Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..