I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just gift wrapped bread.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
