real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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