I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
