If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
