Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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