He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Randomize
