cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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